What's Cooking?

During the past year, I have experienced so many emotions. Hope. Fear. Love. Sadness. Happiness. Insanity. Appreciation. Devastation. Excitement. Disappointment. I have been to the point of elation, and to the point where the only thing keeping me going was the love of my Father in Heaven. I know that some of the things that I am about to write are going to hurt people. I know, because I've been there. I've experienced the feelings and emotions you are feeling. I do not apologize for what I have been blessed with. I am, however, truly sorry that this post will add to your pain.

I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember, but I really started getting baby hungry at 17. After Ben and I got married, I knew that having kids right then wasn't the path we were supposed to take, but that realization nearly killed me. Ask Ben...taking birth control was a very difficult task for me. I opted for the shot every three months, just so I could deal with the emotional roller-coaster as little as possible. When the shot gave me such horrible migraines that I couldn't function, I had to switch to the pills. It was a daily battle. I had to psych myself up all day long, just to take that teeny tiny pill. I cried after the swallow every single day. I was an emotional wreck. Ben was awesome. He would just hold me, and tell me that this was a temporary pain, and the Lord would let us know when it was time to start trying.

We knew we were going to start trying no later that 2 years into the marriage. We had prayed about that, and felt very comfortable with that decision. However, a little before our first anniversary, we found my septum, and the doctor told us to start trying to get pregnant. We were excited to get started, but nervous because this was NOT in the plan. I am a control freak, so it took some adjustment to come to terms with that. However, a couple months after we started trying, we really started to feel like this was the Lord's plan for us. This was HIS way of getting things done, and we were just along for the ride.

Trying to conceive took a heavy toll on us...me specifically. Since I didn't ovulate at all. I knew the problem was my fault. I felt like I was holding Ben back from reaching his potential, and I began feeling depressed. I remember at one point, I was counting all the names of people I knew who were pregnant, or had just had a baby...I quit counting at 55 because I couldn't handle it anymore. Every time I heard someone was pregnant, I bawled my eyes out. While I was happy for them deep down, I just couldn't get past my sorrow, and my jealousy. I hated hearing "We weren't even trying". Ugh. Those words cut SO deep. I wondered what I had done that was so bad, I couldn't have the one thing I wanted more than anything else.

I received a blessing in the fall, stating that if I would put my whole heart into my calling at church, the Lord would bless me with the desires of my heart. Crazy thing was, I didn't have a calling at that point in time. I thought it was weird, but just went with it. I continued to have blessings that said the EXACT same thing. Nothing changed in wording or meaning.

The next month, I was called to be a Visiting Teaching Supervisor for my ward. As soon as I was set apart, I received the list of who I had, and started the calls to see who had completed the visiting teaching for the month. It wasn't horrible, but it wasn't great either. Several women had not been contacted, so I got to work for the next month. I prayed with all my might that I would know how to fill my calling to the best of my capacity. The month of February came and went, and as I called my ladies, I started to cry with gratitude and excitement. The first call..."We visited all our sisters this month!" The second call..."We visited all our sisters this month!" The third call..."We visited all our sisters this month!" This continued with each call until every one on my list had been called, and I put a big "V" for visited by every sister on my list. As I prayed, thanking Heavenly Father for the experience I had just had, I received that strong yet quiet reassurance that the Lord knew what I had accomplished. He knew, that I put my whole self into this calling, and I had done what I had set out to do. Turns out, I ovulated the beginning of March, right after all my sisters had been contacted, and right before I emailed my coordinator with my list.

I realize that "scientifically speaking" the Clomid is what caused me to ovulate, but statistically, it shouldn't have worked THIS well on the first try for me.

Yes, I am pregnant. After a year of trying, with so many ups and even more downs, I am finally pregnant! I am exactly 9 weeks today, and the baby looks perfect! I am still at an increased risk for miscarriage, but I am satisfied. I CAN get pregnant. After so much wondering by me, my family, and my doctors...we know that I am able to get pregnant and sustain that pregnancy, at least so far, that is the case.

My oven has been on pre-heat for a year, and I am so excited it is finally cooking something! So in answer to What's Cooking? Baby Stott is cooking, and we can't wait to meet him or her!

This is our little nugget at 9 Weeks!!